Julie S.

I went to the attic. I hunted down some half sewn thing. I took the scissors to it. I sewed it back together. I chopped it up again. Limitations…I only used these found pieces. The cat helped by sitting on some of the other pieces I was going to use. She obviously thought I had too much fabric and wasn’t entering fully into the process. So I chopped and sewed and then it seemed to come to an end, when I ironed the 3 pieces I ended up with. Tomorrow I shall return and see how far I can chop and sew. I like what emerges. Don’t think too much just do. Combinations of colours and pattern end up together in tiny slivers, it’s invigorating. I never have an issue when chopping up and practically destroying work I make with paper, but cloth is precious and holds such memory for me. Then I picked up a pile of lovely pretty fat quarters that I was “saving” what for?? I started to sew them together. A new duvet cover is emerging.  Why buy these things when I have the fabric to make one. It too is going to be chopped and sewn until there is something unexpected.

So there I was in the attic. The snow falling gently outside, the cat sitting on things then shoving her bum in my face and stomping all over my note book.  A calm came over me. I sat quietly almost meditating. There was a lovely time of peace and meditation. But my brain was mulling over something from earlier. It could have ended up as a tussle with the green eyed jealousy monster, but instead it ended up with this thought “what the f*** am I doing messing about with all this pretty pretty stuff, making duvet covers and worrying about my sister when I want to be out there making mad things out of wood and fabric and selling them.” It entered with such force it blew me away. It is how I want to be. And the focus of needing content struck a chord with me. I have lots of ideas but what am I really doing? This has been a huge issue for many years as I think I have a butterfly mind, flitting from one thing to another, but that isn’t an issue, I probably just need content and then focus.

Something has stirred. I’ll let it fester for a couple of days as I continue to sort out my work spaces. The shed is complete, the garage is almost ready and the attic is a work in progress, but I can still work there.

So today I went to the attic. I sewed something else together and this will end up as a snuggle blanket for the sofa. Patched from my pretty stash.  That’s one way of clearing the space. Make something. I returned to the small piece that I started. I chopped some more and sewed. Just reaching for thread that was within reach, didn’t think at all about the colour matching, just did. And thoughts emerged, shall I print from this? Shall I print on it? Do I prefer the reverse side or the front? How might I make the front more like the reverse? So much fun, I need to now collect these thoughts and store them in my notebook.

But I didn’t, store them in the notebook.

Today (Friday) I went back to the paid job, and the joy I felt and the satisfaction and the sense of self and ownership of what I have done is awesome.

This course has arrived in my life as I needed it. The universe has delivered.

So my sister, a closet creative, came over and we drank wine and I showed her my work of the last 2 days and she was impressed, and she kept saying how lovely they were, but I didn’t want to have that conversation, I wanted to talk about the doing. And I encouraged her to go home and JUST DO and not think or judge herself but just DO. Whether she will or not is up to her. But there was a realisation that I have reached a watershed of thinking in the work I am now doing and an understanding of what I am doing, and a realisation and acknowledgment and knowing of my skills. And I am acting intuitively because all the years of doing the things that I have been doing has been adding to my skill bank. And that stash in the attic that I have been moving about for ages is now a fantastic resource so I don’t need to drive or leave the studio to DO because it’s all there. And a final word, don’t try to put your thoughts down when drunk because it takes ages in the morning to decipher them!

 The cat likes to be part of my sewing experiences. I’ve done more work on this and can see it being a learning and example piece that I will refer back to.

 These are the duvet cover and the snuggle blanket that I finished today. And I was going to take it downstairs and say to my daughter, I’ve made another blanket but it’s not perfect. And I thought why am I saying that because the only job this blanket has is to keep us toasty and to go in the washing machine.

 When Isabel does this I just stop and give her a cuddle. It’s probably what I need to do right at that moment.