Susan D.

Dismantling the CommitteeSusan D.

I’ve been going toe-to-toe with my committee for sometime now. For years I justlistened to them and allowed them to run the show but recently I decided to take them on. I didn’t call them a committee but it fits perfectly. This language gives me a whole new perspective on things. It somehow makes the committee feel both more real and more abstract at the same time. Dismissing them is such a lovely concept. 

Actually, I’ve already dismissed several of my committee members from inside my studio. In there I’m now in charge. Well most of the time. Through my mindfulness practice I’ve built some techniques that help. I’m learning to take breaks, to walk, to work on a couple of different things at a time and to recognize when to have the talk with myself. The talk goes something like this — this is art, no one is going to die, breathe, you’re in your head again, are you going to cave to a little obstacle like this, obviously this is not the way this piece wants to be, explore, breathe some more. Are you having fun? If not let go. Call a friend. Return later. My new committee consists of my mentor, my creative cheerleader and a select number of artist/friends that love me enough to tell me the truth both about my art and myself. They are a blessing.

Now that group that lives on the outside of the studio door. They’re still a very busy bunch. They are the ones that stop me from going through the door. This committee feeds my insecurities that live somewhere between love, belonging and safety. Second and third chakra stuff. These are the questions that keep me off balance. As I examine the questions I don’t think they’re necessarily made up of individual voices so much as by family code and my interruption of the code. As a child I took the message way too seriously. This really is why I’m so hard on myself.  I plan to spend sometime examining these rules I’ve created, especially around the issue of time and who’s entitled to it. It’s time to make some new choices. 

And then there’s my Noble Friend. I’ve visited this concept before but was obviously just passing through. It didn’t stick. As I read it this time it hit me like a ton of bricks. Yes, I did choose this person to be in my life. Yes, this person is a pain in the bum. Yes, it was the best choice for me — that is if I want to grow.