Mary D.

This is a difficult exercise for me, as I’ve been mulling it over in my head, but not really getting a handle on things.  One of the face book posts referred to perfectionism, and I think maybe I should consider myself on my own committee, or at least some aspects of my character, including my competitiveness and perfectionism.  

One person on my committee is definitely my friend who introduced me to the world of quilting in the first place.  She is am excellent and precise piecer and would redo it till she had every thing exact and perfect.  I soon discovered that this wasn’t really how I like to sew all the time, sure I would re do a piece that annoyed me, but I also adopted a new approach for me….ie” it will be grand” when someting was ok even if not perfect.  However I did find that my competitive gene kicked in when we moved to free motion stitching, as this was some thing I had more experience of and therefore felt that I needed to do it better. Why ? and I’m wondering where this feeling of needing to measure up and surpass my friend comes from? I have also come to realise that I feel in competition with my other arty friends too…..This has always been an issue with me considering that my art is not good enough, especially in painting. I always found more confidence in my crafting abilities, as Yep! I felt I was  able to make work as good as the others in my  group…..not the best, but well up there! Sounds a bit arrogant and I don’t even like admitting it to myself, never mind writing it down! . This isn’t a trait that I want to foster as I think it’s not useful, it stops me from just enjoying what I’m doing…..sure it’s nice to receive approval but why should I let that be so important to me. The worst thing is that my friends are supportive rather than critical.  I need to realise that the effort/practice  is what I must learn to appreciate from now on…. But it seems odd not to focus on the end result! So the theory might be good, but I really need to find a strategy to deal with it.

I also think that my mum is on my committee somewhere too, as I feel that perhaps I never quite measured up to my big brother.  But that’s quite a deep area for me and not something to be dealt with in this forum.  In terms of work, I did want her to appreciate my art and I can’t actually remember anything standing out that she thought was good.   She was a gifted knitter herself and created numerous wonderful jumpers for me and my family, which I truly loved. So mum, I appreciated your talents  but you  really have no place still being on my committee .