I have or had a very large committee. When I started thinking about this exercise I realized that this committee just kept getting bigger and bigger as the years went by. Most of the members have passed away or are no longer part of my life because I chose to terminate the relationship because it was becoming toxic. My grandfather was probably the first. I had spent a year in Europe after my first marriage ended. The travelling consisted of staying in hostels and travelling with friends all over Europe. When I got home, my grandfather’s words to me were “well are you going to spend the rest of your life bumming around?”
The next would have been an old love who told me “you will never make it without me” my answer, “just watch me” (guess I am a rebel at heart and this week’s exercise has refreshed my memory. Maybe I am not the goody two shoes I thought I was.
Another one was a member of a weaving committee that I chaired. Trying to save money for the guild I took it upon myself to use up favours in order help out, the comment was “you did this for personal gain” I performed my duties at the guild until the end of the term then quit.
Recently I had a solo exhibition that I am very proud of, a close friend who is also a textile artist never said a word about the exhibition, her only comment was “you are so lucky” and this was in reference to the number of people who attended the opening . I have not heard from her since and it is getting close to a month.
My family, well, they are there but I distance myself. I love them because they are my family or tribe but if they were strangers on the street I would not have anything to do with them.
I hear the voices of negativity but a lot of the time it is my own voice that I am hearing because I am very critical of my own work, always striving to get better and never being completely satisfied with what I have accomplished. When I am intent on my work I just turn up the music on my little disc player and shut out the world and the voices.
I had an accident a few years ago that had me sitting on the couch for almost four months then having to learn to walk all over again which took another six months. This was a pivotal point in my life!! Frustration set in, I felt sorry for myself (this is the first time I had to depend on other people for everything). Then I started to realize the universe was sending me a message , time to disregard all the petty things in life, get rid of the dead wood (friends and family that just suck the very life out of you), laugh and embrace the life that I have. I guess what I am trying to say is that most of my committee members have been dismissed already, the couple that are left will soon be gone as well.
I LOVE this. I have a strange sense of humour and I do hope no one is offended by thedismantlingof my committee in rather drastic ways but I could not stop laughing while doing this.