Pam L.

Towards Alignment

This week was initially hard for me to sit with - Why?  Denial? Not wanting to know? I don't know. Finally sat down to work the inventory lists, and then it just all started to fall out.

The visual below is my attempt to distill the lists.  The desert island thought was helpful (!). And the list of "What do you enjoy doing" kept me busy, and notably included playing guitar again, swimming, giving vs receiving, finding joy when rarely in the zone of urban sketching or free expressive painting.  (The latter being all new to me this year; I wanted to start drawing badly enough this summer that I bought some journals and some pencils and paints, and just said "GO".  Time's  a-wastin'!)

It also became crystal clear to me that as I move forward, I simply must focus on processes that are easier on my HANDS.  In my vocation as well as in my art, I am now drawn to processes that promote EASE?  My physical limitations are emerging. I have pretended for 21 years that I don't have RA. And When I enrolled in massage school 5 years ago after being laid off, I knew I had a bit of carpal tunnel from the RA inflammation, but I denied that, too.  I am a body worker, nearly retired, and now ensconced in a different type of movement therapy which affects the nervous system and does not require stress on the hands or thumbs. All good. Especially since I will be 60 in a month. 

So, with these thoughts in mind, I distilled from the writing pages, the short list of Wanna Be skill sets (below).

Perfection? Hmm. At least for me, this means what I am drawn to do from here, and what I might envision as the end product(s).

I would like to attempt larger work, with simple compositions and color impact.  I envision this as a painting process; perhaps using collage, as well as non-fussy stitching, to pull the pieces together.  And  I am still drawn to working with paper on sheer fabrics.

As well, I continue to agonize/ruminate over how to translate the content from my multitudes of nature photographs into my work.  And however I find a way to work that out, it simply cannot be based on a fussy, hand-intensive process.

So there we are. Yesterday I mapped out an initial plan of 4 ideas to play with, from the painting side of my process schizophrenia.  Today I made some larger "paper" by lightly laminating deli paper onto two different sheer fabrics.  Idea #1: A larger Blank canvas.  I also bought some larger blank paper to see if I can get brave enough to start to draw and/or paint larger as a starting point.  And then I fiddled around with cutting up painted and printed papers into strips, and laminating them to sheers... (Idea #3, since I cannot get hand wovens out of my head.)

It would be fun to play with some free stitching on these panels.  But maybe this whole process is going back to the obsessive direction. Guess we'll find out soon.

At any rate, I went way into my head this week with this assignment, but I do feel good about the result of actually mapping out a few forward plans for experimentation. And facing some realities!