Dismantling the Committee
I read the third week essay as soon as it came and thought to myself that I didn’t have a committee. I thought for a while about the words that had been written, then looked at Open Studio, there had not been much in there until the end of the week. Everyones’s pieces were so inspiring & a joy to read. Finished reading, folding laundry, the FAILURE DEVIL reared his ugly head. His voice is there & not kind. The words are “you aren’t good enough”, “you don’t measure up” are his mantra. It was a lightbulb moment for me.I told my husband(who is my biggest supporter) what had happened, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.I thought I had moved past this but to bring it out in the open & then write about it is cathartic. To go back quite a few years, I failed grade nine & ten at high school & did not graduate. This guy has lived in my head ever since(I am 70). First of all to recognize this committee of one and to finally banish him from my life is very freeing. I do know we all come at this art thing from a different place & comparing yourself to another is not a positive thing to do. Interesting to me that we can have the very positive rebel & the failure devil living in the same head.
I am enjoying seeing what everyone else is doing & reading their journey’s. These are tough assignments but it is such a good way to learn about yourself. I said in my introduction that I have been a life long learner & I do think some of that is because of my high school history, to prove to myself that I can learn. We are never too old to learn new things about ourselves.