Week three and the idea of the Committee took a lot of time and effort for me. I’ve written pages and pages over the last couple of weeks to try and get my thoughts, memories, grievances and sorrows down on paper, in a coherent enough form so I can understand it for myself, let alone talk about it with others. Its taken a while!.... So I send apologies that this is such a late addition to the very valuable and honest thoughts that have been posted in Open Studios for week Three.
For me, it has been a very muddled time of painful outpourings. Of grief and anger initially- but then, finally, some level of understanding and forgiveness….of myself mainly, but also (as many of you noted as a main committee member) my Mum. But a few old faithful's I've come across before.
It has been a very cathartic and emotionally ‘clearing’ experience. A kind of sorting out of old cupboards and wardrobes, in which I thought were stored Monsters and Ogres. But they just turned out to be shadows.
It was rather a shock to recognise and acknowledge, that I myself was a very loud judgemental member of my committee. I hope I’ve written a more supportive role for myself now.
So, although it took a while, I’ve had a good dust and clean and disbanded that particular committee, places are now open for more positive and constructive voices.
For myself, and at this moment, I feel stronger and more clear-thinking than I have for months. I also seem to have found my 'gut-reaction' to life and making again. Long may that last!