Lesson Three - Tjitske W.

I know my voices well. They are very old friends. Which is not to say that they no longer have any influence.

I decided to get the text of a few instructions onto a piece of fabric and see how much of them needed to be dealt with, either in fabric or in real life. While I was doing some sewing in between the text, the words got dimmer due to my fingers touching them. That to me seemed to give a nice symbolic message: just actively engage with fabric and those old instructions and prohibitions will fade away.

Next I covered up some of the text. This I did mostly with transparent fabrics so the text would still shine through.

Even with this very simple bit of work I had umpteen moments I didn't want to go on. This, of course, could be resistance to this particular task, but as this is a very familiar occurrence with my fabric work in general, I decided to listen to the things I tell myself at such a moment, and it boils down to something very simple:

'This is not going to be very good and as it's not going to be any good you might as well stop now.'

I've had a Calvinist upbringing and one of the recurring themes for me was 'to be tried and found wanting', and I have a feeling that somewhere along the line I just subconsciously decided to not reach the stage where I could be tried. If I don't finish anything I can't be tried and I can't be found wanting.

As I said, 'old friends' and apparently I'm still trying to come to terms with them...but they do seem to fade away somewhat.