I've given "my committee" member list much thought as I rumbled through my routine - especially during my quiet times at the barn.
Initially, I had three for sure then, after a bit more thought, it immediately evolved into eight… and I kept adding more and more people to my committee. My wonderful husband Jeff and then my dear friends - then I continued to include our entire local SAQA membership! Good Grief! They were added to the board room as recently as Thursday as I sat in awe of our guest artist and let myself look around the room. It felt wonderful to ingest all the inspirational moments along with the comfort of being part of this community of amazing women. Then this little gremlin crept around from the back of my mind and rudely whispered "You don't really belong here… They are all far more talented than you"! I felt a little summersault in my stomach and a brief moment of discomfort before I dismissed him and refocused on the final portion of the meeting.
It was a lightbulb moment!
On my drive home that I realized he alone is the single member of my committee. Everyone else was excused!
It is my own gremlin of self doubt who finds great joy in spoiling my own confidence and creativity. There is no one else to appoint! My husband and dear friends are some of my closest people ... I care for them and truly rely on their unique point of view as well as their constructive criticism. They are always supportive and encouraging about going forward - they really help me when I'm stuck. I believe I am contemplative and decisive enough to know when I feel strongly about a portion of my work and then ... hopefully ... open enough to accept the creativity of others when I am not.
So the next time he (and "he" is a "he" interestingly enough) creeps around from the backside of my shoulder, I will invite him to jump down and sit on the edge of the ironing board! I will remind him that "if you must be present then you better add your two cents worth - if not, please go outside and play".